At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by
dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You
thanked
him by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old he drove
you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked
him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the
movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV
shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.
When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You
thanked him by telling him he had no taste.
When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You
thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You
thanked
him by having your bedroom door
locked.
When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You
thanked
him by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation.
You
thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove
you
to
campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye
outside
the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your
friends.
When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he
cried
and told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by
moving
halfway across the
country.
And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything
you
never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
Why Did the chicken cross the road?!!!
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
A
Douglas Adams:Forty-two.
Aristotle:(1) To actualize its potential. (2) It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.(3) Because the act of crossing the road is an intrisic end, not an instrumental one.
Neil Armstrong:One small step for a chicken, one giant leap for poultry.
Jane Austen:Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being possessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.
A.J. Ayer:That the chicken crossed the road, is true, and verifiable. Why it crossed the road is empirically unverifiable, therefore, meaningless.
B
Baldrick:It had a cunning plan.
Roland Barthes:The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
Basho:(Japanese haiku poet)Why did the frog leap in?
The Beatles:To be free as a bird!
Beavis and Butthead:Uh huh huh huh . . . you said chicken.
Ludwig van Beethoven:What? Speak up!
Lavrenti Beria:That is a state secret – and we have informants everywhere.
Bill the Cat:Oop Ack.
William Blake:Little chicken, who set thee freeTo wander here on Highway Three?"Oh, sir, your question's very odd;He is called the Lamb of God."Little chicken, crushed and bleeding,You did not see that auto speeding."Oh, sir, do not sit and brood:God just had a Tygerish mood."
Leopold Bloom:Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law.
Molly Bloom:the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
The Borg:Crossing the road is irrelevant. It will be assimilated.
Lucien Bouchard:(Premier of Quebec)So that it could be SEPARATE!
Buddha:If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
William S. Burroughs:This Department recalls the distasteful incident of the Chainsaw Subliminals -- World falling -- Photo falling -- Breakthrough in hen yard -- Towers open fire -- A few may get through to the Gate in Time.
Rhett Butler:Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!
C
Julius Caesar:To come, to see, to conquer.
Albert Camus:It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Candide:To cultivate its garden.
Raymond Chandler:She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that if they made her a free-range chicken she'd take off and never look back.
Geoffrey Chaucer:So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Chicken Little:The sky was falling!
Noam Chomsky:(1) Because it had an innate road-crossing capacity (IRCC).(2) The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages.)
Jean Chretien:OK, for me, de chicken, 'e crossed de road because 'is team was der, and because 'e 'ad de plan.
Bill Clinton:The chicken crossed the road because the bridge to the 21st century is still under construction.
Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.
Confucius:When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, a hen may cross any road in the kingdom safely.
Joseph Conrad:Mistah Chicken, he dead.
John Constable:To get a better view.
John Constantine:Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.
Vito Corleone:We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.
Howard Cosell:It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Jacques Cousteau:Zee cheecken, unaware of zee danjaire beehind heem, crosses zee road. Weezout warning, zee car strikes, and zee balance of zee nature ees maintained.
Aleister Crowley:It was her True Will to cross just that road on just that day.
D
Salvador Dali:The Fish.
Charles Darwin:(1) It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.(2) Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Jacques Derrida:(1) The question admits of limitless answers, since there is no one logocentric strategy of discourse that takes primacy over all others.(2) Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid, as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!(3) What is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
Rene Descartes:(1) It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway. (2) The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the deterministic nature of the universe.
Charles Dickens:It was the best of chickens, it was the worst of chickens.
Emily Dickinson:Because it could not stop for death.
Dionysius:I don't care. Can't you see I'm bathing.
Bob Dole:(1) I'm a veteran. And just like that chicken, I've crossed many a rough road in my days.(2) Well, chickens are just plain dumb. And, ah, there are no morals or ethics in the ah - the White House. Yeah, that's it.
John Donne:It crosseth for thee.
Bob Dylan:How many roads must one chicken cross?
E
Albert Einstein:Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
T.S. Eliot:(1) To lead you to an overwhelming question. (2) To leave the place she knew for another placeAnd to stay there for a while.And then to visit both places.(3) Do I dare to cross the road?(4) It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Epicurus:For fun.
Paul Erdos:It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
M.C.Escher:That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.emit eht ta no saw nekcihc eht ytilaer fo enalp hcihw no sdneped thaT
F
William Faulkner:Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought for a moment, a chicken picking here and pecking there, gradually working her way across the road toward the lawn; but then he felt the fingers tighten on his arm and looked up, astounded, to see him, the Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire, face aglow like a saint seeing a vision: and then it was destiny, a thing pre-ordained, a fatality, for the Colonel did not reveal even to him, Uncle Ike, the secret ingredients, not the names of the herbs and not even the number of them (some would say he used as many as twenty, and others insisted there was but one magic herb that created that special flavor) and so the secret of the crust remained, a hermetic mystery, an arcanum implacable and inpenetrable, locked in the private places of the Colonel's soul: and yet the vision was real, a true moment of Fate; for the franchises sold almost as fast as they could slaughter and gut the stock, and they spread across the country, across the civilized world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire but a billionaire, and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all, from the beginning to the day when the initials KFC were to be seen in every city, every town, every hamlet large enough to own two mules and an Assembly of God church: until now, standing in the franchise in Jefferson, Yoknapatawpha County, where Flem Snopes, the bank president, hawked and coughed and spat on the floor, then hoisted his britches, country style, and said to the waitress, "Make it extra crispy, please."
Basil Fawlty:Oh, never mind that chicken. She's from Barcelona.
Pierre de Fermat:I don't have room here to give the full explanation...
Michel Foucault:It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice–the police state was oppressing it.
Sigmund Freud:(1) It was an unconscious drive.(2) The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol, and like all female creatures she wanted to be dominated.(3) The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Robert Frost:The chicken took the road less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.
G
Bill Gates:Crossing the road into the new bastion of Windows 98 which offers the chicken many things: Everything the chicken does now will be easier and faster, and what the chicken always wanted to do is now possible.
The Book of Genesis:God said, "Let there be chicken"; and there was chicken. Then God said, "Let there be road"; and there was road. And God commanded, "Let the one be taken to the far side thereof." And it was done. And God looked upon God's work and saw that it was good.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan:To verify through measurement and research explorational,Asserted widths and properties of highways transportational. And thus through brain and intellect did prove itself, this animal,To be the very model of a modern chick in general.
Gilligan:The traffic started getting rough;the chicken had to cross.If not for the plumage of its fearless tailthe chicken would be lost,the chicken would be lost.
Newt Gingrich:To have an illegitimate baby so it can get onto welfare and be a parasite on the life-blood of this country.
The Gipper:He did it for me.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Stephen Jay Gould:It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Sir Charles Grandiose:As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see.
Gary Gygax:Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.
H
Hamlet, Prince of Denmark:That is not the question.
Pauline Hanson:To steal a job from a decent, hard-working Australian.
Georg Wilhelm Hegel:Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.
Martin Heidegger:To fulfill its real potential. To get away from everydayness, and reach Being.
Robert Heinlein:The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.
Werner Heisenberg:We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Ernest Hemingway:To die. In the rain.
Heraclites:Because no chicken ever crosses the same road twice.
Sir Edmund Hillary:Because it's there.
Hippocrates:Because of an excess of black bile and a deficiency of choleric humour.
Adolph Hitler:(1) It was a victim of the Jewish conspiracy. (2) It needed Lebensraum.
Douglas Hofstadter:To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.
Sherlock Holmes:It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player did not also cross.
Budd Hopkins:She was dazed and disoriented after the extra-terrestrials abducted and genetically altered her.
Hsi Wang Mu:(Pinyin: Xi Wang Mu) Chinese Taoist spirit.To get to the dark side.
David Hume:Out of custom and habit.
I
I Ching:The chicken flies across the road. It furthers one to cross the great water. Good Fortune.
J
Thomas JeffersonAll hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.
Steve Jobs:It was an insanely great chicken! Years from now, people will understand!
Dr Samuel Johnson:Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
John Paul Jones:It has not yet begun to cross!
James Joyce:(1) To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.(2) Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down.…
Carl Jung:The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
K
Franz Kafka:(1) It wasn't conscious of actually having crossed the road, but the situation could, possibly, be of its own making--yet it will die without ever finding out.(2) Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Immanuel Kant:The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of her own free will.
John Keats:Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Omar Khayyam:I sent a hen through the astral planeTo learn our future, and man's luck.And by and by the bird returnedBut all she'd say was "Cluck, cluck, cluck!"
Soren Kierkegaard:It was a crossing of faith.
Martin Luther King:(1) It had a dream. (2) I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
The Kingston Trio:The lions still roam the barrancaAnd a hen there is always alone.
Capt. James T. KirkTo boldly go where no hen has gone before.
L
Jacques Lacan:(1) Because of an essential lack in its being.(2) Because of its desire for *object a*.
Mark Lane:There is new, irrefutable evidence that the chicken did not act alone.
Lao Tse:Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.
Lyndon LaRoucheShe was a victim of the English Gnostic Drug Cartel conspiracy.
Gary Larson:Don't ask me. I am retired.
Stan Laurel:I'm sorry, Ollie. I left the hen-house door open.
Timothy Leary:Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Gottfried von Leibniz:In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Rush Limbaugh:Who cares. People are more important than chickens. It's time the Bleeding-Heart Liberals, the Hilary Clintons, and the FemiNazis stopped ruining this country, where the life of a chicken or a criminal is more important than the lives of the hard-working American patriots who make this country the greatest nation in history. I say it's time we fried that Liberal chicken, and had it for dinner! Yeah!
John Locke:Because she was exercising her natural right to liberty.
H.P. Lovecraft:To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.
George Lucas:Because the Force was with it.
M
Douglas MacArthur:In order to return.
Macbeth:To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Dr. Leonard McCoy:She's dead, Jim. Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a traffic cop!
Old McDonald:Here a chicken, there a chicken, everywhere a chicken, chicken...
Katherine McKinnon:Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumned animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse.
Marshall McLuhan:(1) The chicken is the road.(2) The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!
Machiavelli:So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Malcolm X:It was coming home to roost.
Paul de Man:1. The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place. 2. (uncovered after his death): So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.
Manuel:Is not a chicken. Is Siberian hamster.
Groucho Marx:(1) Why a duck? (2) Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Karl Marx:(1) She was driven by the lash of economic necessity. (2) It was an historical inevitability.
Gregor Mendel:To get various strains of roads.
John Milton:To justify the ways of God to men.
Moses:Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
Fox Mulder:It was a government conspiracy.
N
Lord Horatio Nelson:I see no chicken.
Alfred E. Neumann:What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton:A chicken at rest remains at rest; a chicken in motion remains in motion.
Jack Nicholson:'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Friedrich Nietzsche:(1) Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.(2) There was no chicken, no road, no crossing. There was only -- an interpretation. (3) Is Road one of Chicken's mistakes, or is Chicken one of Road's?
Richard Nixon:I am not a chicken! (Did we get that on tape?)
Oliver North:National Security was at stake.
O
George Orwell:Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was in reality only serving their interests.
Othello:Jealousy.
P
Camille Paglia:It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
Thomas Paine:Out of common sense.
Michael Palin:Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Dorothy Parker:Travel, trouble, music, artA kiss, a frock, a rhymeThe chicken never said they fed its heartBut still they pass its time.
Wolfgang Pauli:There was already a chicken on this side of the road.
Frank Perdue:I breed the finest chicken I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest birds anywhere. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.
H. Ross Perot: What this country needs is not some chicken crossing the road any time it pleases. What this country needs is a businessman.
Capt. Jean Luc Picard:To see what's out there.
Plato:(1) For the greater good.(2) The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road. Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.
Alexander Pope:It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
The Pope:That is only for God to know.
Ezra Pound:For an old bitch gone in the teeth, for a botched civilization.
Jacques Prevert:I put the chicken on my head, and my military cap crossed the road.
Ilya Prigogine:Because the road was in unstable equilibrium.
Protagoras:To do so is the measure of all things.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:What road?
Q
J. Danforth Quayle:It saw a potatoe.
Thomas De Quincy:It ran out of opium.
R
Ayn Rand:It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
Ronald Reagan:I forget.
Georg Friedrich Riemann:The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
Anthony Robbins:How many times have YOU wanted to cross the road, but you weren't able to, despite your best intentions, your best efforts? The chicken was able to cross this road of white hot coals because it had tapped into the power within all of us that I can teach you to unleash, the power that will let you achieve your deepest desires, your most heartfelt dreams, your most ambitous financial goals. Just send me money.
Pat Robertson:She was a victim of the Illuminati One World conspiracy.
Carl Rodgers:Why do _you_ think the chicken crossed the road?
Salman Rushdie:Because all of Islam wanted to kill it.
Bertrand Russell:Because crossing it would reduce the experience into a set of sense-data sentences.
S
Saddam Hussein:(1) This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.(2) It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Carl Sagan:Considering the billions and billions of chickens that have lived on our little planet, it was only a matter of time and probability.
Colonel Sanders:That damn chicken knows I'm too old to be chasing it around in traffic.
Sappho:(1) To kiss your skin, to lie with you in moonlight...(2) Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.
Jean-Paul Sartre:(1) In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.(2) To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.
Erwin Schrodinger:Chicken? Chicken!? Where's my cat?
Montgomery Scott:'Cos ma wee transporter beam wasna functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
Dana Scully:It was a biomechanical reflex commonly found in chickens.
Jerry Seinfeld:Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?" "Who ARE these chickens?"
Dr Seuss:Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
William Shakespeare:I do not know why, but marry! I could rattle off a soliloquy without much ado.
For those who aren't satisfied with this one, I have put together a series of "real" Shakespeare explanations. Click on the link to find them.
Grandpa Simpson:In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Homer Simpson:To get to this side –Doh!!
O.J. Simpson:It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Jon Singer:To have dinner with a good friend.
Sisyphus:Was it pushing a rock, too?
B.F. Skinner:Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Socrates:To buy a cup of hemlock.
Albert Speer:It was just following orders.
The Sphinx:You tell me.
Mr. Spock:It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical.
Joseph Stalin:I don't care. Catch it. I want its eggs for my omelette.
Star Trek crew member wearing a red shirt:Captain, this chicken seems to have crossed the . . . AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Gloria Steinem:She was a victim of the male conspiracy.
Oliver Stone:The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
John Sununu:The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Supreme Soviet:There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Jonathan Swift:It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
T
Mr. T:If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too fool!
Teachers:Religious teachers:Enlightenment. Or because the desacralization and the demytholization caused by the reformation and the enlightenment, left him feeling in need of a more certain foundation on which to base his views of cosmology and cosmogony, which he felt he might find on the other side. Geography teachers:Because the road was an inadequate barrier to stop the migration of chickens from one culture to another. Health and Human development teachers:Because he needed the exercise to increase his longevity. Or because there was a really bitchen jazz concert and poetry session going on over there.Philosophy teachers:Why not?
Margaret Thatcher:(1) There was no alternative.(2) This chicken's not for turning.
Dylan Thomas:To not go gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau:To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Thomas de Torquemada:Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Deanna Troi:It was experiencing -- GREAT PAIN -- TORMENT...
General Buck Turgidson (from Dr. Strangelove):Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.
Mark Twain:The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Mike Tyson:I dunno, but that ear sure TASTES like chicken!
U, V
Darth Vader:(1) She was seduced by the dark side of the road.(2) Never underestimate the power of the dark side of the road.
Patricia Valdata:It was stapled to the baby.
Vergil:Arms and the chicken I sing, who first from the side of the roadTo the other side driven by fate, came at last to the footOf the "don't walk" sign.
W
The Duke of Wellington:The road was crossed on the playing fields of Eton.
Mae West:I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Alfred North Whitehead:Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Walt Whitman:To cluck the song of itself
Oscar Wilde:(1) This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are equally shallow.(2) Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
E.O. Wilson:Under the influence of a road-crossing gene, selected because it conferred a survival advantage in the chicken's ancestral line. We could conjecture, for example, that crossing roads represents the transfer of a behavioral trait whereby some chickens sought to distance themselves from rivals, thereby distinguishing them in the eyes of potential mates and increasing their reproductive potential.
D.W. Winnicott:The chicken was exploring potential space.
Ludwig Wittgenstein:The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
William Wordsworth:(1) To have something to recollect in tranquility.(2) To wander lonely as a cloud.
X, Y, Z
Molly Yard:It was a hen!
Henny Youngman:Take this chicken ... please!
Zeno of Elea:To prove it could never reach the other side.
Or, if you prefer your Shakespeare quotes to be a little more historically accurate...
Wherefore did the chickencross the road?
I have copied or adapted these ones fromthe mentioned Shakespeare plays…
To suckle fools and chronicle small beer.Othello (II,I,160)
Why, man, (she) doth bestride the world/Like a Colossus; and we petty men/Walk under (her) legs and peep about.Julius Caesar (I,ii,134)
Necessity's sharp pinchKing Lear (II,iv,214)
All the world's a stage/And all the (chickens) merely players:/They have their exits and their entrances;/And one (chick) in (her) time plays many parts.As You Like It (II,vii,139)
A truant disposition, good my lord.Hamlet (I,ii,169)
What! All my pretty chickens, and their dam/At one fell swoop?Macbeth (IV,iii,218)
'Tis neither here nor there.Othello (IV,iii,59)
All is not well; I doubt some (fowl) play.Hamlet (I,ii,254)
The 'why' is plain as way to parish church.As You Like It (II,vii,52)
If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion.Henry IV Part 1 (II,iv, 267)
How now, (chick)! Whither wander you?As You Like It (I,ii,60)
I'll not answer that:/But say it is my humor.Merchant of Venice (IV,i,42)
A
Douglas Adams:Forty-two.
Aristotle:(1) To actualize its potential. (2) It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.(3) Because the act of crossing the road is an intrisic end, not an instrumental one.
Neil Armstrong:One small step for a chicken, one giant leap for poultry.
Jane Austen:Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being possessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.
A.J. Ayer:That the chicken crossed the road, is true, and verifiable. Why it crossed the road is empirically unverifiable, therefore, meaningless.
B
Baldrick:It had a cunning plan.
Roland Barthes:The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
Basho:(Japanese haiku poet)Why did the frog leap in?
The Beatles:To be free as a bird!
Beavis and Butthead:Uh huh huh huh . . . you said chicken.
Ludwig van Beethoven:What? Speak up!
Lavrenti Beria:That is a state secret – and we have informants everywhere.
Bill the Cat:Oop Ack.
William Blake:Little chicken, who set thee freeTo wander here on Highway Three?"Oh, sir, your question's very odd;He is called the Lamb of God."Little chicken, crushed and bleeding,You did not see that auto speeding."Oh, sir, do not sit and brood:God just had a Tygerish mood."
Leopold Bloom:Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law.
Molly Bloom:the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
The Borg:Crossing the road is irrelevant. It will be assimilated.
Lucien Bouchard:(Premier of Quebec)So that it could be SEPARATE!
Buddha:If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
William S. Burroughs:This Department recalls the distasteful incident of the Chainsaw Subliminals -- World falling -- Photo falling -- Breakthrough in hen yard -- Towers open fire -- A few may get through to the Gate in Time.
Rhett Butler:Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!
C
Julius Caesar:To come, to see, to conquer.
Albert Camus:It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Candide:To cultivate its garden.
Raymond Chandler:She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that if they made her a free-range chicken she'd take off and never look back.
Geoffrey Chaucer:So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Chicken Little:The sky was falling!
Noam Chomsky:(1) Because it had an innate road-crossing capacity (IRCC).(2) The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages.)
Jean Chretien:OK, for me, de chicken, 'e crossed de road because 'is team was der, and because 'e 'ad de plan.
Bill Clinton:The chicken crossed the road because the bridge to the 21st century is still under construction.
Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.
Confucius:When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, a hen may cross any road in the kingdom safely.
Joseph Conrad:Mistah Chicken, he dead.
John Constable:To get a better view.
John Constantine:Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.
Vito Corleone:We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.
Howard Cosell:It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Jacques Cousteau:Zee cheecken, unaware of zee danjaire beehind heem, crosses zee road. Weezout warning, zee car strikes, and zee balance of zee nature ees maintained.
Aleister Crowley:It was her True Will to cross just that road on just that day.
D
Salvador Dali:The Fish.
Charles Darwin:(1) It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.(2) Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Jacques Derrida:(1) The question admits of limitless answers, since there is no one logocentric strategy of discourse that takes primacy over all others.(2) Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid, as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!(3) What is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
Rene Descartes:(1) It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway. (2) The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the deterministic nature of the universe.
Charles Dickens:It was the best of chickens, it was the worst of chickens.
Emily Dickinson:Because it could not stop for death.
Dionysius:I don't care. Can't you see I'm bathing.
Bob Dole:(1) I'm a veteran. And just like that chicken, I've crossed many a rough road in my days.(2) Well, chickens are just plain dumb. And, ah, there are no morals or ethics in the ah - the White House. Yeah, that's it.
John Donne:It crosseth for thee.
Bob Dylan:How many roads must one chicken cross?
E
Albert Einstein:Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
T.S. Eliot:(1) To lead you to an overwhelming question. (2) To leave the place she knew for another placeAnd to stay there for a while.And then to visit both places.(3) Do I dare to cross the road?(4) It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Epicurus:For fun.
Paul Erdos:It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
M.C.Escher:That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.emit eht ta no saw nekcihc eht ytilaer fo enalp hcihw no sdneped thaT
F
William Faulkner:Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought for a moment, a chicken picking here and pecking there, gradually working her way across the road toward the lawn; but then he felt the fingers tighten on his arm and looked up, astounded, to see him, the Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire, face aglow like a saint seeing a vision: and then it was destiny, a thing pre-ordained, a fatality, for the Colonel did not reveal even to him, Uncle Ike, the secret ingredients, not the names of the herbs and not even the number of them (some would say he used as many as twenty, and others insisted there was but one magic herb that created that special flavor) and so the secret of the crust remained, a hermetic mystery, an arcanum implacable and inpenetrable, locked in the private places of the Colonel's soul: and yet the vision was real, a true moment of Fate; for the franchises sold almost as fast as they could slaughter and gut the stock, and they spread across the country, across the civilized world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire but a billionaire, and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all, from the beginning to the day when the initials KFC were to be seen in every city, every town, every hamlet large enough to own two mules and an Assembly of God church: until now, standing in the franchise in Jefferson, Yoknapatawpha County, where Flem Snopes, the bank president, hawked and coughed and spat on the floor, then hoisted his britches, country style, and said to the waitress, "Make it extra crispy, please."
Basil Fawlty:Oh, never mind that chicken. She's from Barcelona.
Pierre de Fermat:I don't have room here to give the full explanation...
Michel Foucault:It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice–the police state was oppressing it.
Sigmund Freud:(1) It was an unconscious drive.(2) The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol, and like all female creatures she wanted to be dominated.(3) The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Robert Frost:The chicken took the road less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.
G
Bill Gates:Crossing the road into the new bastion of Windows 98 which offers the chicken many things: Everything the chicken does now will be easier and faster, and what the chicken always wanted to do is now possible.
The Book of Genesis:God said, "Let there be chicken"; and there was chicken. Then God said, "Let there be road"; and there was road. And God commanded, "Let the one be taken to the far side thereof." And it was done. And God looked upon God's work and saw that it was good.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan:To verify through measurement and research explorational,Asserted widths and properties of highways transportational. And thus through brain and intellect did prove itself, this animal,To be the very model of a modern chick in general.
Gilligan:The traffic started getting rough;the chicken had to cross.If not for the plumage of its fearless tailthe chicken would be lost,the chicken would be lost.
Newt Gingrich:To have an illegitimate baby so it can get onto welfare and be a parasite on the life-blood of this country.
The Gipper:He did it for me.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Stephen Jay Gould:It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Sir Charles Grandiose:As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see.
Gary Gygax:Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.
H
Hamlet, Prince of Denmark:That is not the question.
Pauline Hanson:To steal a job from a decent, hard-working Australian.
Georg Wilhelm Hegel:Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.
Martin Heidegger:To fulfill its real potential. To get away from everydayness, and reach Being.
Robert Heinlein:The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.
Werner Heisenberg:We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Ernest Hemingway:To die. In the rain.
Heraclites:Because no chicken ever crosses the same road twice.
Sir Edmund Hillary:Because it's there.
Hippocrates:Because of an excess of black bile and a deficiency of choleric humour.
Adolph Hitler:(1) It was a victim of the Jewish conspiracy. (2) It needed Lebensraum.
Douglas Hofstadter:To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.
Sherlock Holmes:It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player did not also cross.
Budd Hopkins:She was dazed and disoriented after the extra-terrestrials abducted and genetically altered her.
Hsi Wang Mu:(Pinyin: Xi Wang Mu) Chinese Taoist spirit.To get to the dark side.
David Hume:Out of custom and habit.
I
I Ching:The chicken flies across the road. It furthers one to cross the great water. Good Fortune.
J
Thomas JeffersonAll hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.
Steve Jobs:It was an insanely great chicken! Years from now, people will understand!
Dr Samuel Johnson:Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
John Paul Jones:It has not yet begun to cross!
James Joyce:(1) To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.(2) Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down.…
Carl Jung:The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
K
Franz Kafka:(1) It wasn't conscious of actually having crossed the road, but the situation could, possibly, be of its own making--yet it will die without ever finding out.(2) Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Immanuel Kant:The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of her own free will.
John Keats:Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Omar Khayyam:I sent a hen through the astral planeTo learn our future, and man's luck.And by and by the bird returnedBut all she'd say was "Cluck, cluck, cluck!"
Soren Kierkegaard:It was a crossing of faith.
Martin Luther King:(1) It had a dream. (2) I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
The Kingston Trio:The lions still roam the barrancaAnd a hen there is always alone.
Capt. James T. KirkTo boldly go where no hen has gone before.
L
Jacques Lacan:(1) Because of an essential lack in its being.(2) Because of its desire for *object a*.
Mark Lane:There is new, irrefutable evidence that the chicken did not act alone.
Lao Tse:Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.
Lyndon LaRoucheShe was a victim of the English Gnostic Drug Cartel conspiracy.
Gary Larson:Don't ask me. I am retired.
Stan Laurel:I'm sorry, Ollie. I left the hen-house door open.
Timothy Leary:Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Gottfried von Leibniz:In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Rush Limbaugh:Who cares. People are more important than chickens. It's time the Bleeding-Heart Liberals, the Hilary Clintons, and the FemiNazis stopped ruining this country, where the life of a chicken or a criminal is more important than the lives of the hard-working American patriots who make this country the greatest nation in history. I say it's time we fried that Liberal chicken, and had it for dinner! Yeah!
John Locke:Because she was exercising her natural right to liberty.
H.P. Lovecraft:To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.
George Lucas:Because the Force was with it.
M
Douglas MacArthur:In order to return.
Macbeth:To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Dr. Leonard McCoy:She's dead, Jim. Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a traffic cop!
Old McDonald:Here a chicken, there a chicken, everywhere a chicken, chicken...
Katherine McKinnon:Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumned animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse.
Marshall McLuhan:(1) The chicken is the road.(2) The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!
Machiavelli:So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Malcolm X:It was coming home to roost.
Paul de Man:1. The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place. 2. (uncovered after his death): So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.
Manuel:Is not a chicken. Is Siberian hamster.
Groucho Marx:(1) Why a duck? (2) Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Karl Marx:(1) She was driven by the lash of economic necessity. (2) It was an historical inevitability.
Gregor Mendel:To get various strains of roads.
John Milton:To justify the ways of God to men.
Moses:Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
Fox Mulder:It was a government conspiracy.
N
Lord Horatio Nelson:I see no chicken.
Alfred E. Neumann:What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton:A chicken at rest remains at rest; a chicken in motion remains in motion.
Jack Nicholson:'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Friedrich Nietzsche:(1) Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.(2) There was no chicken, no road, no crossing. There was only -- an interpretation. (3) Is Road one of Chicken's mistakes, or is Chicken one of Road's?
Richard Nixon:I am not a chicken! (Did we get that on tape?)
Oliver North:National Security was at stake.
O
George Orwell:Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was in reality only serving their interests.
Othello:Jealousy.
P
Camille Paglia:It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
Thomas Paine:Out of common sense.
Michael Palin:Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Dorothy Parker:Travel, trouble, music, artA kiss, a frock, a rhymeThe chicken never said they fed its heartBut still they pass its time.
Wolfgang Pauli:There was already a chicken on this side of the road.
Frank Perdue:I breed the finest chicken I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest birds anywhere. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.
H. Ross Perot: What this country needs is not some chicken crossing the road any time it pleases. What this country needs is a businessman.
Capt. Jean Luc Picard:To see what's out there.
Plato:(1) For the greater good.(2) The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road. Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.
Alexander Pope:It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
The Pope:That is only for God to know.
Ezra Pound:For an old bitch gone in the teeth, for a botched civilization.
Jacques Prevert:I put the chicken on my head, and my military cap crossed the road.
Ilya Prigogine:Because the road was in unstable equilibrium.
Protagoras:To do so is the measure of all things.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:What road?
Q
J. Danforth Quayle:It saw a potatoe.
Thomas De Quincy:It ran out of opium.
R
Ayn Rand:It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
Ronald Reagan:I forget.
Georg Friedrich Riemann:The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
Anthony Robbins:How many times have YOU wanted to cross the road, but you weren't able to, despite your best intentions, your best efforts? The chicken was able to cross this road of white hot coals because it had tapped into the power within all of us that I can teach you to unleash, the power that will let you achieve your deepest desires, your most heartfelt dreams, your most ambitous financial goals. Just send me money.
Pat Robertson:She was a victim of the Illuminati One World conspiracy.
Carl Rodgers:Why do _you_ think the chicken crossed the road?
Salman Rushdie:Because all of Islam wanted to kill it.
Bertrand Russell:Because crossing it would reduce the experience into a set of sense-data sentences.
S
Saddam Hussein:(1) This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.(2) It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Carl Sagan:Considering the billions and billions of chickens that have lived on our little planet, it was only a matter of time and probability.
Colonel Sanders:That damn chicken knows I'm too old to be chasing it around in traffic.
Sappho:(1) To kiss your skin, to lie with you in moonlight...(2) Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.
Jean-Paul Sartre:(1) In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.(2) To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.
Erwin Schrodinger:Chicken? Chicken!? Where's my cat?
Montgomery Scott:'Cos ma wee transporter beam wasna functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
Dana Scully:It was a biomechanical reflex commonly found in chickens.
Jerry Seinfeld:Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?" "Who ARE these chickens?"
Dr Seuss:Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
William Shakespeare:I do not know why, but marry! I could rattle off a soliloquy without much ado.
For those who aren't satisfied with this one, I have put together a series of "real" Shakespeare explanations. Click on the link to find them.
Grandpa Simpson:In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Homer Simpson:To get to this side –Doh!!
O.J. Simpson:It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Jon Singer:To have dinner with a good friend.
Sisyphus:Was it pushing a rock, too?
B.F. Skinner:Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Socrates:To buy a cup of hemlock.
Albert Speer:It was just following orders.
The Sphinx:You tell me.
Mr. Spock:It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical.
Joseph Stalin:I don't care. Catch it. I want its eggs for my omelette.
Star Trek crew member wearing a red shirt:Captain, this chicken seems to have crossed the . . . AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Gloria Steinem:She was a victim of the male conspiracy.
Oliver Stone:The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
John Sununu:The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Supreme Soviet:There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Jonathan Swift:It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
T
Mr. T:If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too fool!
Teachers:Religious teachers:Enlightenment. Or because the desacralization and the demytholization caused by the reformation and the enlightenment, left him feeling in need of a more certain foundation on which to base his views of cosmology and cosmogony, which he felt he might find on the other side. Geography teachers:Because the road was an inadequate barrier to stop the migration of chickens from one culture to another. Health and Human development teachers:Because he needed the exercise to increase his longevity. Or because there was a really bitchen jazz concert and poetry session going on over there.Philosophy teachers:Why not?
Margaret Thatcher:(1) There was no alternative.(2) This chicken's not for turning.
Dylan Thomas:To not go gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau:To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Thomas de Torquemada:Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Deanna Troi:It was experiencing -- GREAT PAIN -- TORMENT...
General Buck Turgidson (from Dr. Strangelove):Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.
Mark Twain:The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Mike Tyson:I dunno, but that ear sure TASTES like chicken!
U, V
Darth Vader:(1) She was seduced by the dark side of the road.(2) Never underestimate the power of the dark side of the road.
Patricia Valdata:It was stapled to the baby.
Vergil:Arms and the chicken I sing, who first from the side of the roadTo the other side driven by fate, came at last to the footOf the "don't walk" sign.
W
The Duke of Wellington:The road was crossed on the playing fields of Eton.
Mae West:I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Alfred North Whitehead:Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Walt Whitman:To cluck the song of itself
Oscar Wilde:(1) This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are equally shallow.(2) Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
E.O. Wilson:Under the influence of a road-crossing gene, selected because it conferred a survival advantage in the chicken's ancestral line. We could conjecture, for example, that crossing roads represents the transfer of a behavioral trait whereby some chickens sought to distance themselves from rivals, thereby distinguishing them in the eyes of potential mates and increasing their reproductive potential.
D.W. Winnicott:The chicken was exploring potential space.
Ludwig Wittgenstein:The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
William Wordsworth:(1) To have something to recollect in tranquility.(2) To wander lonely as a cloud.
X, Y, Z
Molly Yard:It was a hen!
Henny Youngman:Take this chicken ... please!
Zeno of Elea:To prove it could never reach the other side.
Or, if you prefer your Shakespeare quotes to be a little more historically accurate...
Wherefore did the chickencross the road?
I have copied or adapted these ones fromthe mentioned Shakespeare plays…
To suckle fools and chronicle small beer.Othello (II,I,160)
Why, man, (she) doth bestride the world/Like a Colossus; and we petty men/Walk under (her) legs and peep about.Julius Caesar (I,ii,134)
Necessity's sharp pinchKing Lear (II,iv,214)
All the world's a stage/And all the (chickens) merely players:/They have their exits and their entrances;/And one (chick) in (her) time plays many parts.As You Like It (II,vii,139)
A truant disposition, good my lord.Hamlet (I,ii,169)
What! All my pretty chickens, and their dam/At one fell swoop?Macbeth (IV,iii,218)
'Tis neither here nor there.Othello (IV,iii,59)
All is not well; I doubt some (fowl) play.Hamlet (I,ii,254)
The 'why' is plain as way to parish church.As You Like It (II,vii,52)
If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion.Henry IV Part 1 (II,iv, 267)
How now, (chick)! Whither wander you?As You Like It (I,ii,60)
I'll not answer that:/But say it is my humor.Merchant of Venice (IV,i,42)
Things abt Orkut i find FUnny!
Things about Orkut that I find FUNNY!!!
I've been on Orkut now for about one and a half year. I have met a lot of wonderful people here....And I've also noticed a few things that make me laugh! Here are just a few! (I'm not trying to offend, just think these things are funny!)
1. People who are not the person their picture shows! (If you are a SUPERMODEL.....Great! But do like some do, and post a regular picture along with all the modeling ones! Then we can see if it is....All just AIRBRUSH!!!)
2. People who steal other Orkut profiles! (Ok...yes its happened to me! For whatever reason....??? Weird? Trust me when you get caught, You'll feel stupid, and why would you want to not represent yourself...If someone did like you...? They won't once they find out you lied!!!)
3. People who use Orkut as SPY TECH!!! (I will admit...! I've done it! But, I do think its funny how people will see a scraps posted to someone...And then do the research on who sent it and what they are all about!!!.....DRAMA!!LOL!!!)
4. People who send comments to show OWNERSHIP!!!!! (What I mean here, is when get a comment from..."A Friend". That makes everyone on here think that...You are more than just...FRIENDS!!!!)
5. People that are 99 years old!!!!! (There are a lot of SEXY senior-citizens on here!!! If you think you are too OLD or too YOUNG....You're NOT! Be yourself!!!)
6. People who have so much stuff on their profile my computer crashes!!!!! (Don't you hate it when you click on someones profile and it takes forever to load? Don't get me wrong I've seen some great profiles! But too much...is just that!!!!!)
7. People who have pictures up that they would never show anywhere else!!!!! (I guess since it is the Internet, people get brave! You've got to love Digital cameras!!!)8. People who fall in LOVE with someone they have never met!!!!! (Ok this one could be a bit touchy...I MEAN NO HARM...! I believe in attraction at first sight! Not love at first sight! I will admit you can get to know someone on here or over the phone very well! But it is crazy to me, that you would open you heart so widely to a person you have never, physically met! If you do...I'm sorry but I think you are asking for HEARTBREAK!!!!!)These are just a few things that I've noticed....I'm sure you have some as well! Feel free to add some to the list!!!! Orkut! Orkut! Orkut! LOL!!!!!Cheers!*abe171*
I've been on Orkut now for about one and a half year. I have met a lot of wonderful people here....And I've also noticed a few things that make me laugh! Here are just a few! (I'm not trying to offend, just think these things are funny!)
1. People who are not the person their picture shows! (If you are a SUPERMODEL.....Great! But do like some do, and post a regular picture along with all the modeling ones! Then we can see if it is....All just AIRBRUSH!!!)
2. People who steal other Orkut profiles! (Ok...yes its happened to me! For whatever reason....??? Weird? Trust me when you get caught, You'll feel stupid, and why would you want to not represent yourself...If someone did like you...? They won't once they find out you lied!!!)
3. People who use Orkut as SPY TECH!!! (I will admit...! I've done it! But, I do think its funny how people will see a scraps posted to someone...And then do the research on who sent it and what they are all about!!!.....DRAMA!!LOL!!!)
4. People who send comments to show OWNERSHIP!!!!! (What I mean here, is when get a comment from..."A Friend". That makes everyone on here think that...You are more than just...FRIENDS!!!!)
5. People that are 99 years old!!!!! (There are a lot of SEXY senior-citizens on here!!! If you think you are too OLD or too YOUNG....You're NOT! Be yourself!!!)
6. People who have so much stuff on their profile my computer crashes!!!!! (Don't you hate it when you click on someones profile and it takes forever to load? Don't get me wrong I've seen some great profiles! But too much...is just that!!!!!)
7. People who have pictures up that they would never show anywhere else!!!!! (I guess since it is the Internet, people get brave! You've got to love Digital cameras!!!)8. People who fall in LOVE with someone they have never met!!!!! (Ok this one could be a bit touchy...I MEAN NO HARM...! I believe in attraction at first sight! Not love at first sight! I will admit you can get to know someone on here or over the phone very well! But it is crazy to me, that you would open you heart so widely to a person you have never, physically met! If you do...I'm sorry but I think you are asking for HEARTBREAK!!!!!)These are just a few things that I've noticed....I'm sure you have some as well! Feel free to add some to the list!!!! Orkut! Orkut! Orkut! LOL!!!!!Cheers!*abe171*
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